Chapter 6: Mr. Meanbanker from the bank

So here's the new new chapter.

Mr. Meanbanker from the bank arrived at Q-chan's small farm at precisely 2 PM. There was a scowl on his face, and he meant business. He stepped in exactly three cowpies on his way in. When he meant business he tended to look directly in front of him, and as a result, he tended not to notice thing on the ground.
It was about the time that Lotty returned from the bathroom that Mr. Meanbanker from the bank knocked on the door. “I'll get it!” Q-chan exclaimed in a sing-song voice. Of course, it was her house, so there really wasn't any question about which one of them would get it.
Q-chan opened the front door to reveal the menacing figure of Mr. Meanbanker. Dressed all in black, his mustache nearly curling up to the brim of his top hat, Mr. Meanbanker stood in stark contrast to the peaceful farmland around him.
“Are you the one they call Q?” He asked. His eyes seemed to pierce directly into Q-chan's very soul.
“Yeah, that's me!” Q-chan replied.
With a flutter of his long black cape, Mr. Meanbanker drew a legal document from out of his pocket and handed it to Q-chan.
“I'm Horace Meanbanker.” He said, glaring down at her with the ire he reserved for child molesters and people who defaulted on mortgage payments. “I work for the bank, and you're three payments behind.”
“Yeah,” Q-chan replied, a little embarrassed. “Business hasn't been too good lately.”
“Oh hasn't it?” Meanbanker replied, “maybe that's because you don't grow anything.” Meanbanker gestured to the land surrounding Q-chan's house. It was empty save for the various farm animals she had collected. There was no evidence of a crop, or of any sort of harvesting equipment.
“As far as I can tell, Ms. Q,” Meanbanker continued, “what you call a farm is just a loose collection of livestock, unrestrained and untended. I ran into a cow out on the lawn!”
“I noticed,” Q-chan said, smiling. She could smell the scent of manure rising from Meanbanker's shoes, that's why she hadn't invited him in.
“Nevertheless, if you miss one more payment, I will have no further option but to foreclose!” Meanbanker intoned, twirling his mustache wickedly. He turned to leave, but then turned back a second later.
“On a completely unrelated note!” He shouted at the top of his lungs. “I must compliment you on your exquisite lawn care technique! I can spy not a single dandelion, whereas my lawn is forever troubled by that meddlesome weed. Good day ma'am!” Having said his piece, Meanbanker turned around with a flourish of his cape and headed out through the yard. This time he had the presence of mind to avoid the cowpies.
“What was that about?” Lotty asked. She'd seen Mr. Meanbanker before, but never this far out of town.
“He says if I don't make my next mortgage payment he's gonna foreclose on me!” Q-chan exclaimed. This was the first time Lotty had ever heard Q-chan sound worried. Even when she had spilled the coffee earlier, there had still been a hint of joy in her voice, and a glimmer of hope for things to come.
Q-chan opened the envelope to see that it was a final notice from the bank. No surprise there, but it made Meanbanker's threats seem all the more real.
“Oh, Lotty, what am I gonna do?” She asked pathetically. “I'm starting to think that my new cow isn't lucky at all...”
“Well, I'm glad you're finally being reasonable.” Lotty replied. She felt sorry for her friend, but she couldn't help feeling vindicated in her opinions about the new cow. “After all, what use is a cow that just stands around all day eating dandelions?”
Upon hearing this, Q-chan's entire body stiffened. He eyeballs began to bulge out of her skull, as if she'd just had an idea so big it threatened to shove them out to make room for itself.
“That's it!” she exclaimed.
“What's it?” Lotty asked, keeping in mind the old adage about asking stupid questions.
“She eats dandelions! Look! She didn't just eat that one, she ate every single one that was on my lawn!” Q-chan gestured to her lawn, which was indeed entirely free from dandelions. The one they had seen the cow eat had only been the last of many.
“So what?” Lotty shrugged, “she's just a weird cow who won't eat grass.”
“But that's exactly it!” Q-chan said, frustrated at Lotty's failure to grasp her idea. “She eats dandelions, but she doesn't eat grass! She's like an all natural weed removal service!”
“She's what?” Lotty, asked, still failing to follow.
“We can take her to other people lawns, and charge them to get rid of the dandelions!” Q-chan explained. “And then we can use the money to pay Mr. Meanbanker from the bank!”
“What do you mean 'we?'” Lotty asked, understandably worried. “This isn't my farm. I just wanted to borrow salt.”
“This is perfect!” Q-chan shouted, jumping for joy. “The same time I get a final notice from the bank, a special cow shoes up to help me make some money! How lucky is that?”
“You have a very strange definition of luck, Q.” Lotty replied.
“Quick, help me hitch up the cow trailer! We're going into town right away to get started!”
“Again, you say 'we'” Lotty said, distressed. “But this is not my farm, and that's not my cow, so I don't see why you think-”
“Look!” Q-chan interrupted in an alarming, threatening tone. “You can ride up front with me, or you can ride in the trailer with the cow, but either way you're coming with me!”
Lotty gulped and then meekly went to go hook up the cow trailer. Q-chan was frightening when angered, and would have no qualms about locking her in a trailer with a smelly cow for hours on end.
And so it was that one of the greatest partnerships in professional landscaping was born. Q-chan, Lotty, and their very special cow would henceforth be known as The Dandelion Zappers. Or, at least, that was the name that Q-chan stenciled on the side of her truck. A mere hour and a half later, the trailer was hooked up, and Lotty and Q-chan were on their way into town to ply their newfound trade.
From off in the distance, the evil wizard Pretorius looked on. “Excellent!' he said aloud to no one in particular. “The flight out here drained supercow of his energy, but soon these oblivious fools will fill her full of enough dandelions to restore her full energy. And then, after I have murdered those two idiots and stolen the cow back, the awesome luck and power of the supercow will once again be mine! All mine!” He let out a laugh, and evil laugh that confused and disturbed everyone around him, for he had chosen an outdoor cafe as his place of refuge while he waited for the supercow's energy to be restored.
“Sir, you're disturbing the other patrons with your constant laughing and monologuing” a well-intentioned waiter interjected. For his trouble, the waiter was turned into a newt.
“Fool!” Pretorius intoned melodramatically, “you dare to deprive me of my right to monologue and laugh? And I ordered my coffee like half an hour ago! Where is it? Where?”
Unaware of this distant danger, Lotty and Q-chan continued into town. They had no clue that the mysterious cow in the trailer behind them was the legendary and powerful supercow of legend, and that fate had conspired to throw them into an awesome adventure, a battle of good versus evil the likes of which the world had never before seen.

Chapter 5: Cow Death Stare

Oh, wai, hi thar.

Yes, you're going to keel me.

SO LONG AGO THAT BRAINDED WAS ESTABLISHED.

HOPEFULLY IT HAS RESURRECTED AND WILL STAY ALIVE.

HOPEFULLY. ]:

Here's Andrew G's long forgotten chapter...

The sun peaked over the hill top, slowly rising up. The animals on Q-Chan’s farm were just beginning to wake from their slumber. The newly purchased cow, however, had not gone to sleep the evening before.. In fact, he still stood in the same spot that Q-Chan and Lotty had left him. The cow stood perfectly still and stared at the front door of Q-Chan’s home, there was an odd glint in the cow’s beady cow-like eyes.
Q-Chan got out of bed and readied herself for the day. She opened the front door and found the cow staring directly at her, looking deeply in her eyes.
“That.. may be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen..”
Q-Chan moved away, but could not shake the feeling that the cow was still watching her. Finally she went over to the cow and examined it. She poked it, it did nothing. She clapped her hands, again the cow did nothing. Q-Chan rested her hand upon the cows head. Seconds later her house was in flames. The cow had shot laser beams out of its eyes. Q-Chan stared at the burning pile of rubble that seconds ago was her home.
“Oh…..shit…….” , Q-Chan squeaked.
“WHY COW?!?! WHY??? WHAT KIND OF DEMON COW ARE YOU???”
The cow mooed happily and stuck out its tongue.
“You.. cow! Stay here, and no more lighting things on fire!”
Q-Chan ran over to Lotty’s house as fast as her legs could carry her.
“The cow shot lasers from its eyes and burned down your house”
“Yeah.. IT IS A DEMON”
“Right.. and I’m George Fucking Washington”
“Just come with me, kayyyy?”
“ Fine..”
Q-Chan brought Lotty back to her farm to expect the cow.
‘’IT IS SOME SORT OF DEMON, LOTTY!! LOOK INTO ITS EYES!! WAIT, NOO! DON’T DO THAT! IT WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIYA!!”
“ I… Think you have gone insane.. and WHY ARE YOU YELLING!?!”
“….Sorry… but ..bu…t.. the cow.. it shoots lazzarrrs.. from… its eyes”, Q-chan said while pretending to shoot lasers from her own eyes.
“I also fly.”
“WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT??!”, both Lotty and Q-chan screamed .
The cow mooed happily, then proceeded to charge at both Lotty and Q-chan and flipped them both onto his back. Flames shot out of the cows backside and it was soon airborne.
“Moooooo! Of we head to Isle del Calcetines del Muertes!

Chapter 4: Meanwhile, In Another Time Zone

OMG. HI GUYS.

Sorry so loooooong! Sooooo busy. ];

Anyways, since I'm so brain ded...har har...I cannot think for shiz about the cow.

SO. I asked my homie Connor aka "The Letter M" to write Chapter 4! :D

He is now a new addition to the Brain Ded team.

TREAT HIM WELL.

Jack slouched at the bar nursing his eighth bourbon of the night. After losing that last game of poker, he headed straight to the bar and started drinking. That was four hours ago.

“Not your night, huh Jack?” The bartender asked. Like all bartenders, he was learned in the art of sympathy.

“No...not my night.” Jack parroted back to him, downing the last of his bourbon. “I used to be lucky, you know. Real lucky.”

“Oh yeah? So what the hell happened?” The bartender asked with a smirk. He knew Jack wasn't a good tipper, so he could be as rude as he wanted.

"As soon as I figure it out, I'll tell you.” Jack said with a sigh. Without another word, he pulled a couple of bucks out of his pocket, placed them on the bar, put his hat on his head, and walked out into the night. The bartender started washing the eight glasses Jack had left behind, and was almost done with the seventh when Jack, wild-eyed and panicked, burst back in through the door.

“There's a car!” Jack screamed at the top of his lungs. “There's a car in my parking space!”

“So what?” The bartender asked, annoyed by the sudden shouting.

“Well I didn't come here in a car, I flew here on a cow! There should be a cow in my space!” Jack explained helpfully.

“Okay, Jack, give me your keys.” The bartender demanded. He'd been through this exact scenario a thousand times. Jack was obviously drunk beyond reason, and who would be liable if he crashed into a bus full of nuns? The bartender, that's who.

“Cows don't have keys!” Jack shouted, surprised at the bartender's idiocy. “Somebody must have stolen it while I was inside. That's why I lost the game, don't you see? THAT'S WHY I LOST THE GAME!”

“Listen Jack, there's a cot out back, why don't you go sleep it off. No charge.”

“No time!” Jack exclaimed. “I might still be able to find them!”

“Find who?”

“Whoever stole my cow!” and with that Jack rushed back out into the street. But when you are drunk and all out of luck, the street is a dangerous place. Jack had been supernaturally lucky for five years, and now the universe was out for revenge. Jack immediately stepped in a puddle, and the slick pavement gave way beneath his leather shoe. He hurdled several feet forwards, and just barely steadied himself in time to avoid falling on his face.

But while he managed to avoid falling on his face, he was now standing in the middle of the road, and he didn't manage to avoid an oncoming van. “It's just not my night, is it?” was the last thought to go through his head before everything went black.

Ch 3 Le sigh

Q-chan began pouring Lotty-chan's coffee as she watched the cow outside the window, eventually causing the coffee in Lotty-chan's mug to overflow.
Lotty-chan soon noticed and reacted, "AH HEY HEY watch what you're doing! You're getting coffee all over the place!"
"OH crap sorry!" Q-chan said as she rushed into the kitchen to get some napkins.
"What the crap is your problem? It's the cow isn't it? I told you it's fishy, didn't you say it brings luck? Doesn't seem like it at the moment.."
"Noooo no I zoned out for a moment, my fault, not the cow's" Q-chan said as she wiped up the coffee.
"Mmmmmmmmmhmm" Lotty-chan said with disbelief.
Q-chan poured Lotty-chan a new cup of coffee as well as herself and sat at the table with Lotty-chan. Time passed as they slowly sipped their hot coffee, looking out the window watching the motionless cow. It still wouldn't graze, and Q-chan began to worry that perhaps it was sickly, and sighed at her stupidity for wasting money.

Just then the cow lowered it's head and ate a dandelion by it's front hoof, then returned to it's previous position.

"Well look at that, it finally ate, what I tell ya? Just give it a little while," Q-chan said happily.

".....Riiiiiiight, it ate a weed, one little weed, oo it's totally settling in," Lotty-chan said sarcastically as she slowly nodded her head. "I'm going to use your bathroom for a sec and then head home I guess, that cow weirds me out."

Q-chan nodded her head and looked back out the window, letting out another sigh at her rotten luck.

Chapter 2: Fishy Cow

Woah snaps it's been forever.

But! I have been once more inspired since I'm tempted to use Lotty + Q-chan, maybe even the doggeh in my Flash class for a webisode. :3

Wouldn't that be nice? Yes, yes it would.

As Lotty trekked home, huggling her bag of salt close to her chest, she began to drift off in her sea of thoughts. The pads on her feet smacked the concrete sidewalks as her bare feet hopped to and fro. Every so often, her thoughts came across the newest cow in Q-chan's collection. "A new cow," Lotty thought. How interesting indeed.

You see, Q-chan was very fond of cows. She grew up raising them with her family. Lotty-chan however, was not at all a farm girl. Domestic animals were more to her domain. Her posse consisted of a dog, a few water turtles, a huge aquarium filled with goldfish, some birds, and a cat. Lotty could not understand why anybody would want a cow of all creatures to take care of. They stink, they're stupid, all they do is eat grass until they're fat and die without even realizing a day went by. "A horse, at least! Or a mule, my GAWD! But, a cow? Ew," Lotty cursed.

But, recalling the newest cow in Q-chan's field, something seemed a bit off. The cow just stood there. Doing nothing, as cows do, but it didn't move at the slightest. It wasn't even eating grass...and cows...well, eat grass.

"What the crap? All cows do is eat grass...all that cow did was stand there and stare at nothing."

Pondering, Lotty stared at the bag of salt in her hands. Determined, Lotty stomped and turned around and headed back to Q-chan's domain.

Arriving at Q-chan's farm, it was a little past sunset. When Q-chan saw Lotty coming up to her front porch with the salt bag, Q-chan became concerned.

"Lotty? The salt bad?"

"Uh, hi, Q-chan. No, I mean, I'm not sure yet. Haven't tried the salt. I came back because I was thinking about your new cow. Is it okay?"

"Okay? It seems fine to me..."

"I dunnooooo. I mean, just look at it."

Crickets begin to chirp as they all look out the front porch to stare at the cow who stared right back at them innocently.

"It's not doing anything."

"That IS what cows do, Lotty. You come to experience that a lot when you're around them."

"Yeah, I get that. But, do cows not eat grass when they come to a new home or something? You'd think cows wouldn't care or even know the difference. Eat, eat ,eat."

"Of course cows eat grass all the time, that cow is doing just...that."

"No..."

"Huh. Well, I'll be damned."

"The cow IS looking straight at us. Even though it does have that dumb look on it's stupid cow face."

"Hey, hey. Leave him alone. Give it a day or two. He'll come around, I'll bet."

"If you say so."

"Well, since you're here, how 'bout I fix you up with some fish to go with that salt? Coffee?"

"Fish....that cow is damn fishy. Bug eyed fishy cow. Oh, yeah, fish. Coffee. Please."